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April 17, 2019

            Jack Donaghy once said, “A nemesis can be anyone… or anything.” He was, as always, spot on. I know this better than anyone. Since moving to Japan, I have made enemies with numerous people, objects, and metaphysical concepts, including  (in chronological order): a four year old boy, the remote for my air conditioner, a bag of onions, Japan’s absurdly complicated recycling practices, food menus, a one-year-old-girl, my own inability to learn Japanese...

March 19, 2019

           I spend a lot of time thinking about the differences between Japan and America. Not because I am an anthropology enthusiast and not because I am trying to determine which is better, but because I am asked about it every time I meet a new person. Always asking me what is different between Japan and America is one thing that is the same in both countries, for those keeping track. Unfortunately, I struggle to come up with anything interesting to say wh...

June 7, 2017

         

              Stop me if you’ve ever heard anyone ever say something positive about a chicken…. That’s what I thought, because no one ever has. If you’re calling someone a chicken, you’re saying they’re a coward. If you are telling a joke about a chicken, it’s probably about it crossing the road and is awful. If you say something tastes like chicken, you are saying it tastes generic and boring. If some...

October 11, 2016

               To start out with the obvious, The Office is a great show. In terms of all-time sitcom hierarchy, I would go 1. Arrested Development 2. Peep Show (a British sitcom I would strongly recommend) 3. The Office 4. Seinfeld, followed by a Grand Canyon sized quarry, after which the rest of sitcoms (i.e. Friends, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, etc.) can be debated. Critics of The Office might argue that, as a remake, it cannot be ranked higher than its predece...

November 9, 2015

       

 

        If I could come back to live the life of any person in history, Chuck Lorre, the creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory, would have to crack the top ten. For going on twenty years, fans by the tens of millions a week have been overjoyed to allow Lorre to spew hot liquid garbage into their homes to the extent that he has a net worth of $600 million. It’s the television equivalent of opening your front...

October 28, 2015

Hopefully you will never be in a situation where you have to escape from a sinking car, but should you find yourself dying, watch this video so that you don't have to. 

PS: For legal reasons we have to state that these are mere suggestions and we are in no way liable if you should be dumb enough to drive off a cliff or follow any of them.

 

 

July 9, 2015

 

Ever wonder whether you could have dated Gandhi or Amelia Earhart? Or Hitler? Well, today is your lucky day. Their long hidden online dating profiles have finally been uncovered, exclusively at DelusionalSuspects.com 

 

 

Hitler

 

Interests: Long walks across Europe, facial hair maintenance, public speaking, painting, eugenics, mass extermination.

Dislikes:  Russia, smoking, drinking, eating meat, Jews.

Looking For: A tall, blonde, blue-eyed, bombshell. No fatties....

Question: What do you get when you put an acclamied director, an actor who hates the product he's supposed to sell and a documentary crew? 

 

Answer: This video, enjoy

June 26, 2015

Didn’t read the newspaper or watch the news? Don’t worry about it. DelusionalSuspects is here to give you all the information you missed in this week’s Suspect News Report.

The Supreme Court voted in favor of gay marriage, making it legal in all 50 states. We join an elderly man laying in a hospital bed in his home in rural Alabama. This man fought vehemently against the integration of public schools during the Civil Rights Era. As he sees the news of the decis...

 

 

Uber, Instagram and Snapchat are household names thanks to the success of their apps.  The apps listed below aren't so well known, for obvious reasons.  

 

1.) The Rock Identifier App

Pros: With one point and click this app can correctly identify any rock by type.  You can use this knowledge to try to impress your friends 

 

Cons: If you think knowing every different type of rock type is impressive, you probably have no friends.  

 

2) Water Temperat...

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