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June 26, 2015

Didn’t read the newspaper or watch the news? Don’t worry about it. DelusionalSuspects is here to give you all the information you missed in this week’s Suspect News Report.

The Supreme Court voted in favor of gay marriage, making it legal in all 50 states. We join an elderly man laying in a hospital bed in his home in rural Alabama. This man fought vehemently against the integration of public schools during the Civil Rights Era. As he sees the news of the decis...

June 19, 2015

The two murderers who escaped from a New York prison last week remain at large. If you encounter them, do not follow the advice I gave in last week’s edition of Breaking News, as it turns out those were tips on how to avoid bear attacks.


The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning to win their third Stanley Cup in six years. This excited Chicago’s fans, especially those under the impression that five hockey championships can be traded in for one Wo...

June 12, 2015

We know that reading a newspaper sucks, so get your news from us instead.


This week in world news:



On Saturday, two convicted murderers escaped from the Clinton Correctional facility in Dannemora, New York. If you happen to see these men or even just happen to live in that area, remember these survival tips:

  • Remain calm and avoid sudden movements.

  • Give the murderer plenty of room, allowing it to continue its activities undisturbed. If it changes its b...

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How to Escape a Submerged Car

October 28, 2015

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