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May 28, 2015

Lost Dog: 


Answers to Jake (sometimes)


Appearance: Large (especially in comparison to a child) with dark, black fur. Has big, sharp teeth and powerful legs


Attributes: Violent, aggressive, with a wicked demeanor


If Found: Please call the police, who can in turn contact us. Do not try to approach him because he will maul you, possibly to death.


Reward: The satisfaction that comes with knowing that as soon as Jake is retuned to us, we will be putting him down an...

May 26, 2015


In the next few months Delta Airlines, America's least favorite airline, will be showing a new safety video before every flight, that appeals, or at least tries to appeal, to millennials by using internet memes.  This video would be humorous and topical if it were 2008.  Here we are going to break down the video scene by scene.  I recommend watching the video below before reading this article, or don't, I really don't give a shit....

May 22, 2015



As the French Open gets into full swing, here are some pickup lines guaranteed to get you laid whether you're in Paris, at a viewing party or just creepily following a girl home while wearing tennis shoes. 




May 19, 2015


We don't know what was happening during the creation of these monstrosities, but we can still imagine.  


Milwaukee, Wisconsin 

Flag Designer: "I'm sorry sir I can't incorporate wheat, the skyline, a boat, 1846, a smaller flag, a knight, three swords and a gear into one flag" 

Mayor: "Well why not?" 

Flag Designer: "Well here's a draft and as you can see there is just too mu-" 

Mayor: "That's perfect! Way to go, I'm going to give you a huge bonus"

Flag Designer: "B...

May 19, 2015

In my extensive research of the founding of The United States of America, there always seemed to be a missing element. After tireless efforts, I believe I have found this missing link in history: the true father of our country. As a result of how interesting his life is and my own boredom with my life, I have taken the time to interview many people who have influenced his life, both in person, over the phone, and through a medium to the dead. I assure you that...

MIAMI, FLORIDA- After announcing that he was going to be cast as Walt Disney in a new biopic, fans and critics alike were wondering what method actor, Daniel Day Lewis, would do to get ready for filming. Daniel Day Lewis has been known to dive into a role with 100% commitment as seen when he worked as a oil driller for four months to prepare for his role in "There will Be Blood" or when he beat up random homeless people in New York City to prepare for his role...

May 13, 2015

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May 12, 2015 


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