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May 26, 2020

I got off the bus and stood, alone, bags in hand, on the deserted street that leads to Chaung Thar Beach, Myanmar. It was 3 am, pitch black, and I was kind of drunk. The 9-hour bus ride from Yangon (the capital) to Chaung Thar (a tiny beach town on the western coast) had been unpleasant, to say the least. The mountainous western region of Myanmar is devastatingly beautiful and largely untouched, but for a single, winding, one-lane road connecting the coast to...

April 5, 2020

When I first saw that there was a cheap, direct flight from Vietnam to Myanmar, I had to look up where Myanmar was on a map and confirm that it was indeed a country. The next day, I was in Yangon, the capital.  It was Christmas Day, but, knowing nothing about Myanmar, I assumed that, like in the rest of Asia, Christmas is not a big deal. In Vietnam, you would have barely known it was Christmas at all. I was wrong.

Walking around the city, two things struck me....

April 17, 2019

            Jack Donaghy once said, “A nemesis can be anyone… or anything.” He was, as always, spot on. I know this better than anyone. Since moving to Japan, I have made enemies with numerous people, objects, and metaphysical concepts, including  (in chronological order): a four year old boy, the remote for my air conditioner, a bag of onions, Japan’s absurdly complicated recycling practices, food menus, a one-year-old-girl, my own inability to learn Japanese...

March 19, 2019

           I spend a lot of time thinking about the differences between Japan and America. Not because I am an anthropology enthusiast and not because I am trying to determine which is better, but because I am asked about it every time I meet a new person. Always asking me what is different between Japan and America is one thing that is the same in both countries, for those keeping track. Unfortunately, I struggle to come up with anything interesting to say wh...

October 11, 2016

               To start out with the obvious, The Office is a great show. In terms of all-time sitcom hierarchy, I would go 1. Arrested Development 2. Peep Show (a British sitcom I would strongly recommend) 3. The Office 4. Seinfeld, followed by a Grand Canyon sized quarry, after which the rest of sitcoms (i.e. Friends, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, etc.) can be debated. Critics of The Office might argue that, as a remake, it cannot be ranked higher than its predece...

November 9, 2015

       

 

        If I could come back to live the life of any person in history, Chuck Lorre, the creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory, would have to crack the top ten. For going on twenty years, fans by the tens of millions a week have been overjoyed to allow Lorre to spew hot liquid garbage into their homes to the extent that he has a net worth of $600 million. It’s the television equivalent of opening your front...

July 9, 2015

 

Ever wonder whether you could have dated Gandhi or Amelia Earhart? Or Hitler? Well, today is your lucky day. Their long hidden online dating profiles have finally been uncovered, exclusively at DelusionalSuspects.com 

 

 

Hitler

 

Interests: Long walks across Europe, facial hair maintenance, public speaking, painting, eugenics, mass extermination.

Dislikes:  Russia, smoking, drinking, eating meat, Jews.

Looking For: A tall, blonde, blue-eyed, bombshell. No fatties....

 

 

Uber, Instagram and Snapchat are household names thanks to the success of their apps.  The apps listed below aren't so well known, for obvious reasons.  

 

1.) The Rock Identifier App

Pros: With one point and click this app can correctly identify any rock by type.  You can use this knowledge to try to impress your friends 

 

Cons: If you think knowing every different type of rock type is impressive, you probably have no friends.  

 

2) Water Temperat...

June 19, 2015

The two murderers who escaped from a New York prison last week remain at large. If you encounter them, do not follow the advice I gave in last week’s edition of Breaking News, as it turns out those were tips on how to avoid bear attacks.

 

The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning to win their third Stanley Cup in six years. This excited Chicago’s fans, especially those under the impression that five hockey championships can be traded in for one Wo...

June 12, 2015

We know that reading a newspaper sucks, so get your news from us instead.

 

This week in world news:

 

 

On Saturday, two convicted murderers escaped from the Clinton Correctional facility in Dannemora, New York. If you happen to see these men or even just happen to live in that area, remember these survival tips:

  • Remain calm and avoid sudden movements.

  • Give the murderer plenty of room, allowing it to continue its activities undisturbed. If it changes its b...

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October 28, 2015

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