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Breaking News: Volume Two (June 19th)

The two murderers who escaped from a New York prison last week remain at large. If you encounter them, do not follow the advice I gave in last week’s edition of Breaking News, as it turns out those were tips on how to avoid bear attacks.

The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning to win their third Stanley Cup in six years. This excited Chicago’s fans, especially those under the impression that five hockey championships can be traded in for one World Series Title.

Donald Trump announced his candidacy for the presidency earlier this week. That’s enough of a joke on its own. Moving on.

The Golden State Warriors won the NBA Finals, defeating Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers in six games. David Blatt was quoted as saying, “It is much harder to win championships in America than it is in Russia. In Soviet Russia, championship wins you.”

A mass murderer took the lives of nine people in Charleston, SC on Wednesday night. And there’s nothing funny about that.

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